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Blackanthem Military News
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Last Updated:
Oct 6, 2008 - 12:39:05 PM |
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The Loss of a Loved One
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| Debra D. Johnson |
I am writing this article in an attempt to comfort those who may have lost loved ones thru the war, either physically or emotionally. We are going into our 5th year of the war and there isn’t any concrete evidence that the war will soon be over. It is my prayer that it will end soon. But in the meantime, what do we do to keep our sanity, our anger, and our frustrations to a minimum? It’s easy for someone to say to pray about it and that God is your Comforter and He will see you thru it. But what happens when you can’t pray because you just lost the most important person in your life? What happens when the pain is so unbearable that you feel like giving up yourself? Losing anyone close to you is hard and can cause a great deal of pain, especially if you believe their dying was in vain or simply just to soon. I want to share my personal experience with loss in my family and I hope my experience can help some of you that have experienced a loss.
As some of you may recall from one of my previous articles, I had suffered two major losses back to back last year. First, my brother, who was 49 years old, and then my sister, who was 51 years old. They both died of cancer. I thought, they were too young to die and why them, they never hurt anyone. Several times I had asked God to give me my sister’s pain because I felt I could handle it better since I was younger. Unfortunately, the cycle of life doesn’t work like that. When my sister passed, I became very bitter toward God and basically tried to shut Him out of my life. I blamed Him for her death, and myself. I thought, since I prayed, and God had always answered my prayers, that He would raise her from her sickness and wouldn’t let her die. However, once again, the cycle of life doesn’t work like that either. I even wanted to kill myself just to be with my sister. It was the most devastating thing I have ever experienced.
In my attempt to shut God out and blame myself, I became angry, frustrated and basically insane. I didn’t want to read the Word of God. I didn’t want to go to church, so I didn’t. I had turned my back on God because I felt He had turned His back on me. After about 6 months of being in a dark place and being depressed, I decided that I had to do something. My family was depending on me and I couldn’t give up on myself and God. I would sit in my family room and try to open up the Bible and read, but my tears clouded my eyesight. I realized that I was still grieving the loss and there was nothing anyone could do about it but me, with God’s help. I had to press through my depression, my bitterness, my anger and my hatred toward God. I had to get back to a place of sanity and trust God all over again. I begin to read and search scriptures of comfort. The one particular scripture that I would read was Psalm 91. It talks about dwelling in the secret place of the Most High. I knew at that point I had to dwell in God’s secret place and stay there for my healing and complete restoration of my life. I had to ask for forgiveness from God for turning my back on Him and I had to forgive myself as well. I must say I still miss my family members, but God is healing me more and more each day. I won’t say it has been an easy process, but it’s a progression. In other words, God is working it out and is getting me ready for the next level.
So what I am saying to some of you that may have experienced a loss as a result of this war, is that it’s okay to feel bitterness, anger and frustration. But the one thing I want all of you to remember is that we go “thru” situations and we don’t have to stay there. We have to press on so that we can be there for the next person that may experience the same thing that you and I have. God is real no matter how we look at it. I believe God healed me and I know for a fact that He turned my darkness into light, because He is the “Light” in my life. I owe my life to God, for it was Him that picked me up when I had fallen, even with my bitterness toward Him. It was Him that was constantly drying my tears. It was Him that kept me safe all these years, so that I may be able to encourage others.
I would like to leave you with scriptures that helped me get through my loss and I pray that they will be of some aide to some of you:
Psalm 91….He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High…..
Psalm 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
Psalm 69:16 (Whole Chapter)
Hear and answer me, O Lord, for Your loving-kindness is sweet and comforting; according to Your plenteous tender mercy and steadfast love turn to me.
I pray that the burden of heaviness be removed in Jesus’ Name. I pray that God will begin to minister to you like never before and that you will be able to receive the comfort of the Comforter. I come against depression and oppression and the spirit of suicide! I command the enemy to be under your feet and to never surface again. I pray that you should all have double for your trouble and continued hope for tomorrow! I thank God for He has dispersed His angels out on your behalves and He is troubling the nations trouble. For God is in the midst even if we don’t see it. I thank You God that you are allowing some to see in the natural and in the Spirit of Your mighty works. Now God, I thank You that it is already done in Your Name and the mountain is being removed even now!
My Secret Garden
My secret garden is where I go when I want to be alone with You.
It is so peaceful in that garden.
It’s a garden that begs all my pardons,
And soothes my heart when it’s hardened.
My secret garden is a place where I can meditate Your word;
A garden that prevents me from being disturbed.
In my secret garden there is peace and tranquility.
My garden is where I feel safe and comfort;
A place where healing begins and pain and suffering ends.
My garden is where I long to be
With no one else but You and me.
You whisper in my ear and tell me not to fear
Because You are near.
You gently stroke my hair
So I will know, You are truly there.
In my secret garden, You show me Your compassionate eyes,
And much to my surprise,
All of the lives I am to touch and have touched.
I close my eyes because it is just too much.
I feel myself wanting to give up.
Then You remind me of all the work that must be done
And all the lost souls that have to be won.
You give me a kiss of love and a hug of armour
And politely send me on my journey.
As I exit my secret garden, my heart is light and my mind is clear,
For I am renewed and secured, because I know in my knower
That You will always be near!
Debra D. Johnson
© 2004
If you wish to write, please feel free to write to me at the address below or contact me through email.
thecovenantinnkeeper@comcast.net
The Covenant Inn Keeper Ministries
PO Box 11623
Wilmington, DE 19850-1623
God’s Servant,
Debra D. Johnson
Author of “Excerpts on Life…A Collection of Inspirational Poems and Thoughts, Volumes I and II” Available through www.amazon.com
For speaking engagements please contact Dawn R. Gardner, Personal Assistant at
(302) 598-2633.
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